For Yvonne.....

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[Baron]

* You’re an Aussie if * ...

 * You know that stubbies can be either drunk or worn and a Darwin stubbie requires two hands
 
 * You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal, such as
    watering the garden or washing your car.
 
 * You understand that the phrase 'a group of young women wearing black thongs' is far less
     alluring than it sounds.
 
 * You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.
 
 * You believe many of the letters in the word 'Australia' are optional.
 
 *  You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'
 
 *  You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with giant
     fibreglass bananas, prawns, pineapples and sheep.
 
 *   You call your best Mate 'an ugly old bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just
      a bit of a bastard'.
 
 * You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a town.
 
 * You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife and sea life.
 
 * You believe it makes total sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2
    coin and all paper currency to have no paper content in different sizes and colours .
 
 * You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy
     Woy' can never be called 'Woy'.
 
 * You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes an excellent breakfast spread if you add
    enough salt.  You've also squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.
 
 *   You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australians, until they stuff up, at which
      point they immediately become Kiwis again.
 
 *  Beetroot with your Hamburger...  bloody naturally.
 
 *  You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the
      Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again" and "Living next door to Alice".
 
 *  You are totally aware that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller
     with every passing year.
 
 *  You know Ugg boots are in fashion inside and outside the house in any season.
 
 *  You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian, then
     stolen or sold off for a pittance.
 
 * You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
 
 * Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway - fluently in every
     Asian language.
 
 * You understand that 'excuse me' will usually sound aggressive and rude, While 'scuse me' is
    always polite.
 
 * You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
 
*  You understand "the great Australian salute" will send your sunglasses flying all summer
    long.
 
 * You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too bloody hot to handle and a seat belt
     buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.
 
*  You understand "poofter" is still a secret code word in any other country
 
 * Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
 
 * You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.
 
 *  You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.
 
 *  When working on a bar, you understand a male customer will feel the need to offer a quiet
     excuse if ever they order  - low-alcohol beer.
 
*   You understand a good root has no connection with gardening.
 
 *  You know how to abbreviate every word, even if it makes them longer.  All of which usually
     end in - o :  arvo, combo, garbo, drongo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko,
     speedo, righto, goodo.
 
*  You know you can hang a Uee but you have to chuck a Leftee.
 
*  You learned very young that mozzies and blowies require a can of Mortein.
 
 * You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located in the middle of
      nowhere... no matter where you actually are.
 
 * You know that no Australians actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like piss.  But we
    let the world think we do.  Because the good stuff is left for us.
 
 * You have spent summer nights in your life sleeping in only Aeroguard     Maybe even
      convinced yourself it has perfume.
 
 * You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet - to mean good.  And
      then you place a loud 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it.
 
 * You know that the barbecue is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the
     boss cocky and a man. And the women make great salads.
 
*  You know it's hard to beat a good snag or a banga on the barbie
 
*  You know there's nothing drier than a dead dingo's donger
 
 * You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.
 
 * You understand completely what no wucking furries means.
 
 * You've drunk your tea / coffee or milo through a Tim Tam.
 
 * You've owned a Bond's chesty.  In several different colours.
 
 * You know instantly when someone pronounces our cities so that you can spell them correctly,
    they are definitely a foreigner.
 
*  If you're crook, you take a holi and hit the beach to watch the Sheilas
 
*   You mean it when you compliment someone that they are almost an Aussie or good enough to
    become one.  (Bloody social climbers)

[Yvonne]

Good ones , 


I think the title should be 'you know you're an Aussie Male if' ...... 

[Baron]

Good ones , 


I think the title should be 'you know you're an Aussie Male if' ...... 

Glad you like it.....I get a lot of emails from my brother who also seems to have a lot of time on his hands. 

[Yvonne]

Glad you like it.....I get a lot of emails from my brother who also seems to have a lot of time on his hands. 

It must be something to do with the Qld. atmosphere, I get a lot from a chap in Qld. also 

[Richard]

It must be something to do with the Qld. atmosphere, I get a lot from a chap in Qld. also 

It would be a very small world if it turned out to be the same one...

[Baron]

It would be a very small world if it turned out to be the same one...

Yoiks !! Perish the thought....
(He lives out in Boonah....near woop-woop) 

[Yvonne]

Myfriend's name is Chris, 


Mum always quoted Woop Woop when she couldn't think of a place name, 

[Baron]

Yep, a place in the middle of nowhere and always near where you live. 

[Yvonne]

As well as Timbucktu & the Black Stump, 

[Baron]

I forgot about them...