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[Yvonne]

Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large bag of Tux dog food
for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked
if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?  So, since I'm  retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that No, I didn't have  a dog, I was
starting the Tux Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,  because I
ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I  woke up
in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and  IV's in
both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect  diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pockets with Tux nuggets  and simply eat one or two
every time you feel hungry. The food is  nutritionally complete so it works
well and I was going to try it again. (I  have to mention here that
practically everyone in queue was now enthralled  with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in  intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me.  I told her no,  I stepped off the kerb to sniff an
Irish Setter's arse and a car hit  me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart  attack he was
laughing so hard. I'm now banned from the supermarket.

Better watch what you ask retired people.    They have all the time in the
world to think of daft things to  say..

Forward this now, (especially) to all your mature  friends......

[Baron]

I am often told that I am immature, but had to have a sneaky peek anyway...
I've heard that one before, but still raises a chuckle with me. 

'Better watch what you ask retired people.    They have all the time in the
world to think of daft things to  say..'

...and do. 

[Yvonne]

Yes I had heard it before too, 

hubby is one of those retired people also,