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1
Phun / Re: The wedding...
« Last post by Baron on Sep 19, 19, 07:36 PM »
Yep Handy, and I bet she will be a bit of a handful too..... :gig:
2
Phun / Re: The wedding...
« Last post by handy on Sep 19, 19, 03:13 PM »
I would marry them, I mean her. :blush: :blush:
3
Phun / The wedding...
« Last post by Baron on Sep 19, 19, 10:44 AM »

The family wishes you to know that they have no idea what he sees in her.

 
4
Phun / Re: Grass cutter....
« Last post by Baron on Sep 17, 19, 10:58 AM »
Not as old and crumbly, and grumpy as me mate, so we are in the same 'special' club.... ;D

I might have mentioned this before, but I was watching a slide show on YT, and one of the pictures was of a bloke at a football or baseball game ('Murica of course), on a bright sunny day, wearing his base ball cap on back to front, and using his hand to shield his eyes from the sunshine........with his hand..... :o

I too have a Aussie type broad brimmed hat, (actually from Tasmania, which my brother brought over from Oz many years ago (with his wife) for a 'down memory lane' holiday. I wear it a lot in the summer time, out in the garden, or in town, and also during wet rainy weather, as I can hide under it from the sun or the rain.
I also use a base ball cap, it was a free one from Zalman when I bought something from them about 14 years or so ago, and although a bit worn, it still comes in handy, as I also use it when going into town, and always in my car.
I also wear it with the peak forwards..... :)
Both hats are to protect my balding bonce, from the sun, as I have already had 3 ops, to remove skin cancers, and don't really want any more...........far too many years of being out in the sun without a hat......*sigh.

Ah the yanks........although my son and his 'Murican Korean wife now live in 'Murica, and emigrated out there some years ago, first to California, and got jobs after being allowed to by the authorities, and then after a few years, he got a better job in Portland, where they live now........he is not speaking in 'Murican...yet, but his wife obviously does.
The also misspell and mangle words:

Sodder, for solder.
Rowt for route.
Axe for ask.
Aiight for alright.
Sidewalk for pavement (although it does make sense)
Trunk for boot.
Hood for bonnet.
Favor for favour.
Labor for labour.
Color for colour
and many others.
Then the stupid 'names' they come up with:
Bae.
Boo.
And more.....most of which I don't have a clue what they are talking about.

Claimed they won WWI, even though they only turned up in 1917, but were useful cannon fodder, because the Jerries were knackered by then and it was just about all over. But their Generals continue to pick fights with the Germans shortly before the surrender, because they wanted to get themselves and their troops some glory, where many were slaughtered for no real good reason, ecept their big ego's.

Claim they won WWII, when they only helped along with all our other allies.

Criticise the British for not doing much during WWII, and stopping to make tea all the time.... ;D

But I liked the 'cafe' story, and I too would have laughed my socks off too... ;D

OK, time I went to get a mug of coffee, so as to not witter on and rant any longer.... ;D

5
Phun / Homeless man....
« Last post by Baron on Sep 17, 19, 10:33 AM »
I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed,  I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"



"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was paroled."

 
6
Phun / Re: Grass cutter....
« Last post by Kat on Sep 16, 19, 10:00 PM »
Probably coz I'm old and crumbly, now... But, I've always rather detested things that are American, in that respect. There ARE no baseball teams, here. Why wear a fucking baseball cap? Although, having said that, the only titfer I ever wear (when it's raining) is a cowbiy hat. That's more the Ozzy type, though, rather than something Clint Eastwoody. Funnily enough, I bought it on Zakynthos about twelve years back and it's still in good nick.

Americans... People, here, have started calling railway stations "train stations". Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

People keep starting sentences with "So", too. Grrrrrr!

When they order, in a cafe, instead of asking "Could I have X/Y/Z?", or "Could you get me X/Y/Z?",  they say "Can I get X/Y/Z?" I actually heard a server say "No, you can't. I'll have to get it, for you".

I fucking wet myself, larfin'!!!
7
Phun / Re: Male or Female...
« Last post by Kat on Sep 16, 19, 09:51 PM »
Funny, you mentioning that. We used to go to a garden centre (Wyvale), on a Sunday, for lunch and a look around. A few years back, they changed everything and the meals were all kinda pre-packed and the menu was really rigid. When it comes to food, I'm an awkward sod. I rarely have things that are as they appear on the menu, coz I'm allergic to fruit and most veg, I'm intolerant to. So, all this pre-packed rubbish would've meant me leaving half of it.

Sooo... we thought "Bugger that!" and went elsewhere. A few weeks back, we went into the local "The Range" and, whilst we were there, we decided to have a cup of chai/char. When we went in, I recognised one of the girls and she absolutely BEAMED at us! It was one of the girls who used to work at Wyvale.

Anyway, we go in, now and then, and get nattering, like we do...

On Saturday, we went in and there were two more of them! The first one, Hannah, said the sweetest thing. Apparently, the staff at Wyvale were really sad, when we stopped going, coz they really looked forward to us being there, coz we're "Not at all like ordinary people", in that we take the piss (in the same way you do with friends) and joked around. The other two agreed and we did our usual, in there!

It's nice to be appreciated, innit? It's funny, really. As you must've noticed, I'm not what you'd call "normal". OK, I'm fucking weird! But, I'll tell you something... I mean this in the nicest possible way and I don't mean it to be taken as me bragging, or boasting... But... even at the age of sixty three, I'm still a bloody babe magnet! I can't think why, for even a nano-second, but I often get small groups of women and girls around me.

The best part, is that I have no idea as to why... (Other than being hung like a hippo, obviously) ;)

Good job Jane's not the jealous type.
8
Phun / Re: Male or Female...
« Last post by Baron on Sep 16, 19, 07:46 PM »
Oh me too, as there are some rather nice and juicy girls on the check outs in my local Coop, and they cheer up my day, as they have great personalities, and don't mind at all a bit of 'banter'.....even the older ones.
Sometimes (not very often) I will buy my favourites a bunch of flowers  :flowers: for being so nice, to show my appreciation of their friendlyness.
But.....that's just me....a big fat softy..... ;D

There was also a lovely girl who worked the counter at Boots the Chemist, who did not have a coronary when I handed in my prescription for some 8-9 pills my quack has told me I need, and before that the Manager Pharmacist who just works part time now on a Saturday and I think Sunday.....not sure.

I gave the lovely Tracey who had got fed up with some of the customers, after 7 years, and went to work at a Vets.
Anyway, I got them both a bunch of flowers when they left at different times.
I rather miss Tracey though, and visiting Boots is not the same any more....*sigh.
9
Phun / Re: Grass cutter....
« Last post by Baron on Sep 16, 19, 07:38 PM »
Yup, first impressions are not always true, like my granddaughters boyfriend, who sports a beard and ear rings and stuff.............but he is a very nice bloke though, and it was the first time I have met him. so my expectations were not high............I quickly changed my opinion of him.... ;D
10
Phun / Re: Grass cutter....
« Last post by Kat on Sep 16, 19, 11:24 AM »
The first time we ever saw our prospective son-in-law, he turned up, with one of those on, backwards. Our faces, apparently, were a picture!

He's actually a good lad.

But...  :pa
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