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1
Phun / Re: How little johnny got another black eye...
« Last post by Kat on Today at 10:48 AM »
 :pa
2
Phun / Re: Love the Irish....
« Last post by Kat on Today at 10:47 AM »
 :nooo:
3
Phun / Re: Abdullah in the Nursing Home
« Last post by Kat on Today at 10:46 AM »
 :gig:
4
Phun / Re: How little johnny got another black eye...
« Last post by Yvonne on Today at 01:46 AM »
 :laugh2:  ;D
5
Phun / Re: Love the Irish....
« Last post by Yvonne on Today at 01:44 AM »
 :gig:
6
Phun / Re: Abdullah in the Nursing Home
« Last post by Yvonne on Today at 01:41 AM »
 ::)  ;)
7
Phun / Love the Irish....
« Last post by Baron on Yesterday at 01:59 PM »

Definition of an Irish husband:  He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
     
 
  Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.  Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
     
 
  The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent. 
     
 
  An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"
"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
     
 
  Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them. 
     
 
  Reilly went to trial for armed robbery.  The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
     
 
  Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
     
 
  Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?"
"No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
     
 
  Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A bachelor.
     
 
  Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning.  I can't break her of it.
Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home .
     
 
  Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital.  "Quick!" he said.  "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
     
 
  "O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?"
"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
     
 
  Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

 







8
Phun / How little johnny got another black eye...
« Last post by Baron on Yesterday at 01:57 PM »

Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.

After a number of times of this happening, the teacher became

increasingly worried and asked him about it.

Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep on the same bed.

Every night my father asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."

So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".

The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye,

so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny came to school with another shiner again.

"My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"

He turns to explain: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... And I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my

mother started moving {you know} at the same time. Mom was breathing
heavy and kicking her legs all over the place while squealing like a demented hyena on the bed"... Then my father asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my Dad answered 'Yes'.

They don't usually go anywhere without me, so I said 'Wait for me..."




 












 




 
9
Phun / Abdullah in the Nursing Home
« Last post by Baron on Yesterday at 01:45 PM »

An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather (Abdullah) in a nursing home. All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian home. After a few weeks in the  Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa.
How do you like it here?" asked the grandson"
It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said grandpa.
"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you, since you are a little different from everyone."
"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents," Abdullah said with a big smile.
"There's a musician here - he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him Maestro!
There is a judge in here - he's 95 year old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him Your Honour.
There's a dentist here - 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years, and everyone still calls him Doctor!

And Me - I haven't had sex for 35 years,
and they still call me The Fucking Arab.
10
Chew The Cud / Re: This Is Not A Mosquito!! Look closely.
« Last post by Yvonne on Jun 21, 17, 01:53 PM »
That's a great solution Obblie. :tup:
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