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Author Topic: BAD jokes only in this thread please - if easily offended fuck off.  (Read 279235 times)

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Kat

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I like the way Kezzy holds a shaft, you know....

richard

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I like the way Kezzy holds a shaft, you know....

Shame it'll never be yours though, innit?  :neener:

Offline JoJo

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Shame it'll never be yours though, innit?  :neener:
:gig:
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."




Kat

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My shaft-holder does a mighty fine job, herself, as it 'appens.   :w:

Offline fred

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Dolly Parton and the Queen end up at the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They are both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The Angel said 'Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which of one of
you will be admitted.'

The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created
and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day for eternity.'

The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen merely walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately said, 'OK, Your Majesty, you may enter Heaven'

Dolly was outraged and asked, 'What was that all about? I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she was admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?'

'Sorry, Dolly,' said the Angel, 'but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are.'
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline JoJo

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oh i just read that over at the purple palace..! :neener:
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."




Offline fred

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oh i just read that over at the purple palace..! :neener:

I put it there   :gig:
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline crikey

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Father Duffy walks into the convent and sees sister rose washing the kitchen floor. He's overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground. As he's screwing her the Rev Mother comes in.

"SISTER ROSE!!!" she roars "Have some respect. Arch your back girl and keep Father Duffy's balls off the wet floor!!" .
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Offline JoJo

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I put it there   :gig:
oh is that you..!!!you look different with clothes on..! :hysterical:
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."




richard

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oh is that you..!!!you look different with clothes on..! :hysterical:

 :gig:

Offline fred

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oh is that you..!!!you look different with clothes on..! :hysterical:

 :gig:
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline JoJo

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"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."




Offline crikey

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A Doctor was addressing a large audience in London.
'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us
sitting here, years ago.


Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is
loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes
the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is
one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and
suffering for years after eating it?'


After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his
hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Offline fred

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A bloke goes to the Doctors and say,s I keep thinking I am a moth........... The Doctor say,s ....You need to see a Psychiatrist not a Doctor.
I know he said. I was on my way there.  But I saw your light was on.
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline Razor

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Hollywood said today that there wasnt a chance in hell of ever making a Dirty Dancing 2 with Patrick Swayze. Although at the moment, Ghost II is looking pretty good!

Offline fred

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Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man picks up a crate of Stella and sticks them into the trolley


"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife "They're on offer, only £10 for 24 cans", he says



"Put them back.. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping...



A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.



"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man, "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.



The man replies.... "SO DOES 24 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF THE F***ING PRICE
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline fred

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News Report:

Welsh Miners upbeat about future prospects........

Copper found in Snowdonia....
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

richard

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News Report:

Welsh Miners upbeat about future prospects........

Copper found in Snowdonia....

You sick bastard.  :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:

Offline fred

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one of the nicer things I've been called recently   :hat3:
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

richard

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one of the nicer things I've been called recently   :hat3:

Coming from me, it's one of the higher forms of compliment.  :hat3:

richard

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A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the Deep South. He got a ride from a mean-looking trucker.

After riding about 30 miles in silence the youth finally said, "Well, aren't you going to ask me?"

"Ask you what?" replied the trucker.

"If I'm a boy or a girl..." answered the youth.


"Don't matter," replied the trucker, "I'm gonna fuck ya anyway."

richard

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I for one would not find it funny if Shaking Stevens got Parkinsons Disease...

Offline Razor

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Q: How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?

A: Just ring them up and tell them you can't come.

Offline fred

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Michael Jackson is buying a new theme park now he's sold Neverland. Its called Dinosaur world. Every kid will leave it with a mega-saur-arse!
« Last Edit: Mar 21, 08, 08:32 PM by Cymrogwyllt »
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline fred

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Have you heard about the man who was run over by a steam train? He was chuffed to bits.
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf