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Author Topic: BAD jokes only in this thread please - if easily offended fuck off.  (Read 279365 times)

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richard

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The guy replies, "No not really. I'm from Cardiff and I'm just feeling homesick!!"

I'd have said Newport myself, but the principle is the same.  :gig:

Offline Razor

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I was sent an email of Mary St, Cardiff on a saturday night. Sad thing is, it could be any city in the UK!

I will send em on to you  >:D

richard

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I was sent an email of Mary St, Cardiff on a saturday night. Sad thing is, it could be any city in the UK!

I will send em on to you  >:D

That's skeery...  :pa

How the hell did they find anybody sober enough to hold the firkin' camera?

I wouldn't like to be there sober.  :eek2:

Offline fred

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An irish family have been found frozen to death outside the dublin odeon cinema,they had been queuing for three weeks to see "closed for the winter".
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

richard

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Manchester City have sold Shaun Wright-Phillips to Madonna.

Offline fred

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19 englishmen go to the movies. The ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Frank replies "The film said over 18 only!"..
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

richard

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Confessor: I have stolen a fat goose from a poultry yard!

Priest: That is very wrong.

Confessor: Would you like to accept it, Father?

Priest: Certainly not- return it to the man whom you stole it from.

Confessor: But I have offered it to him and he won't have it.

Priest: In that case you may keep it yourself.

Confessor: Thank you, Father.

The Priest arrived home to find one of his geese had been stolen...

Offline fred

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Jonathan Ross hass been arrested for stealing a kitchen utensil from Debenams.

He said it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline Gyro

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I would read all 53 pages to make sure I'm not double posting but I can't be arsed.

I'm sure someone will tell me anyway.

So........


How does a Welshman find his sheep in the long grass?

Simply irresistible.
I have an inferiority complex, but I don't think it's a very good one.

Offline fred

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I would read all 53 pages to make sure I'm not double posting but I can't be arsed.

I'm sure someone will tell me anyway.

So........


How does a Welshman find his sheep in the long grass?

Simply irresistible.

lt's best to clear an area of grass before lighting the cooking fire
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

richard

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Jesus walked into a library and asked for directions to the nearest inn.

The librarian said "save your money mate, the Romans will put you up for nothing later..."

Offline Razor

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At least with the advantage of Altzheimer's disease you can hide your own Easter eggs.

richard

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According to "The Guinness Book Of World Records" the record for the longest most ridiculous lie ever told in a court of law, is held by Mr Patrick O'Rourke of Dublin, Ireland.

The amazing feat was recorded when Mr O'Rourke was taking his oath but mistakenly held the card and read the book.

richard

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Come and join the sing along Hertfordshire...

Heads, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes...  :pa

Offline fred

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They took all my pot noodles, biscuits, crisps and cakes.

I've reported it to the Police - they said they suspect they are 'snackheads'..
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline fred

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A friend of mine in the parachute regiment has been stationed in Switzerland for the last 2 years. He has recently married a local girl who can wash up with one hand , cook with the other , dust with a foot while making the bed with her elbow as she opens a beer with her arse.......... She's a swiss army wife!
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline fred

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Felt sorry for the hyponotist that was on stage earlier. He put 7 rugby players in a trance. Stupid idiot dropped his microphone and said "FUCK ME". God , the screams wil haunt me for the rest of my life!
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

richard

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Police shut down Newport town centre yesterday after finding a mysterious device in Taffy's car.

Turned out to be a tax disc...

Offline Obblie

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Quite possible, don't like Newport
"Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone". John Maynard Keynes

Offline Storm

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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

The winds of night so softly are sighing
Soon they will fly your troubles to sea.

Offline Razor

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I was talking to my grandma the other day and she told me we're directly related to Cherokee Indians.

I have my reservations tho.

*****

David Blaine is apparently gutted, he has just discovered his 44 day record of doing nothing inside a box has been smashed by Newcastle FC's Michae l Owen.

*****

I hate all this terrorist activity. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the tube and think, 'Yes! I'm having that!'

*****

Daffyd had a little lamb
His father had it too
If you're in to beastiality
Wales is the place for you.

*****

richard

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Bloke goes into a pet-shop. "Have you got any kittens going cheap?"

"No, sir," replied the owner. "All our kittens go 'Meow'."

Offline Obblie

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The two lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.

That was very nice of them but, all I said was that I wanted t' watch

"Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone". John Maynard Keynes

Offline fred

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Aparently, the Swine flu can cause red blotches on the skin, scientists are saying not to itch them as they can lead to Pork Scratchings....



No doubt they will bring out an oinkment for it!
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline fred

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The Texans are very concerned about swine flu, because if the Mexican gardener dies they will have to cut their own lawn!!!
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf