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Author Topic: BAD jokes only in this thread please - if easily offended fuck off.  (Read 279486 times)

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Offline Razor

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Google translator is not your (Welsh persons) friend!  :gig:


Arnold Scwharzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7?

He replied, "No thanks, I Still have the Vista Baby"

Offline Obblie

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It's fun re-translating it as well.

A guy at work is taking the Mick by Cymro mimmicking out of him, saying
"Who's coat is this jacket? You see the two houses on the hill, Mines the one in the middle! I look in my locker and there was!" Go "and he finished with,
Why a Welshman married women? Case sheep can not cook!

The Welshman replied, "I do not think the jokes wales right, do not forget, we shag em, you eat 'em and you think the white pieces are fat!"
"Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone". John Maynard Keynes

richard

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It was quite embarrassing having to explain to the doctor how I got superglue all over my cock.

However, not nearly as embarrassing as explaining why Obblie's mouth was stuck to it.  :blush:

Offline Obblie

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My teeth were stuck together
"Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone". John Maynard Keynes

richard

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My teeth were stuck together

I have a very famous Welsh town tattooed to my cock to accommodate its length.  >:D







Rhyl.  :blush:

richard

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Happy New Year.

Love Gordon Brown .-)

Offline Obblie

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I have a very famous Welsh town tattooed to my cock to accommodate its length.  >:D







Rhyl.  :blush:

I was thinking of Cwm .....
"Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone". John Maynard Keynes

richard

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I was thinking of Cum .....

Why doesn't that surprise me?  ::)

richard

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Obblie organised a threesome at his house last night...

Couple of no-shows but apparently he still had a good time.  :gig:

Offline Razor

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My wife hasn't felt like sex, so she went to the Doctors.
He told her she had an iron deficiency, so i bought her the new 'Rowenta steam plus' and the 'Tefal Steam Iron - Non crease'. But she still wont have sex!

*****

I swapped the bed for a trampoline, but my wife found out and hit the roof!

Offline fred

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I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

richard

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Man United

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/fa_cup/8433901.stm

Oh dear.  :pa

Derek has already been Bogled 5 points for a Sparry on that same link... You're bound to get worse!

Offline fred

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tell old peanut bollocks to get it over with


and to think I debated whether to post the link.

methought peanut bollocks would not have seen the news
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

richard

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Methinks peanut-brains has got the hump!  :hysterical:

Offline fred

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 :hat3:

you know me better than that
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline crikey

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In the spirit of binding the relationship between our two countries, America has asked permission to use the Queen's image on the dollar bill. We've agreed, providing we can use the President's image on our marmalade jars.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Offline Dr Fuss Bogle

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Oh dear.  :pa

Derek has already been Bogled 5 points for a Sparry on that same link... You're bound to get worse!

A double-Sparry would normally be a big fat 10 pointer, but I'm in a good mood so

 :dfb7:
I'm coming to get you...


Offline Razor

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WARNING: there is a email going around called "Susan Boyle Naked". DO NOT CLICK ON IT, its not a virus, it is Susan Boyle, Naked!!!!

*****

Did Adebayor run the length of the tour bus in Angola, to celebrate in front of the gunners?

*****

With this cold weather we are having, the Government are saying we should look after our beighbours.
My 87 year old next door neighbour hasnt come to check on me once. In fact, the lazy mare hasnt even taken her milk in for three days!

*****

Offline Dr Fuss Bogle

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WARNING: there is a email going around called "Susan Boyle Naked". DO NOT CLICK ON IT, its not a virus, it is Susan Boyle, Naked!!!!

*****

Oh wonderful another victim who needs  a new pair of glasses and hasn't read the wqrning about doing a Sparry

http://our-local.co.uk/index.php?topic=22795.0

In this case I shall award the maximimum I can because you really deserve it  :dfb10:
I'm coming to get you...


richard

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Harsh...  :pa

Diddums.  :neener:

Offline Razor

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Oh wonderful another victim who needs  a new pair of glasses and hasn't read the wqrning about doing a Sparry

http://our-local.co.uk/index.php?topic=22795.0

In this case I shall award the maximimum I can because you really deserve it  :dfb10:

I read it Mr. Fussybollox, i just thought i would repeat it as it was such a good joke!  :angel3:

Offline Dr Fuss Bogle

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I read it Mr. Fussybollox, i just thought i would repeat it as it was such a good joke!  :angel3:

stop digging, you make it worse   :dfb3:
I'm coming to get you...


Offline crikey

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One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were earlier. Adam said, "The morning Eve and I made love for the first time."

God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve now?"

Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out."

"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Offline crikey

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One afternoon a man says to his wife, you, me and the dogs are going pig shooting. They pack the truck and head off. They get there late at night and the man says, we will head off at sunrise. The wife is tired and replies, I don't want to go in the morning. The husband is furious and replies, I will give you 3 options, you, me and the dog shoot, or you give me a blow job or we have anal sex. The wife isn't to pleased but realizes it's one or the other. They rise early in the morning and the husband says well, what's it to be. She isn't pleased but decides to give him a blow job. As soon as she starts she stops and says, your dick tastes like shit. He replies: "Yeh, the dog didn't want to go either."
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

richard

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Pilot : "Control tower, what time is it?"

Control tower: "What airline is this?"

Pilot: "What difference does that make?"

Control tower: "Well if it's British Airways, it's 6pm. If it's Virgin Atlantic, it's 18.00 hours and if it's American Airlines, the big hand is on the 12..."