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Author Topic: BAD jokes only in this thread please - if easily offended fuck off.  (Read 285750 times)

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Offline fred

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.
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline Derek

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That is not a bad joke and too real to be funny

richard

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That is not a bad joke and too real to be funny

It's funny...

But not as funny as the current Toyota advert using Geri Halliwell's 'Scream if You Wanna Go Faster' as the soundtrack.  :gig:

richard

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English scientists now admit that they are able to create a human/sheep hybrid using nuclear transfer.

Welsh scientists have also come up with a way, but using a much more 'traditional' method...

Offline fred

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When I was little, we used to play a game called "knock and run" where you knock on someone's door and run away before they answered.

Nowadays, it's known as "Parcelforce"
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline fred

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Just bought a shiny new Toyota.......chat later, can't stop!
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

Offline crikey

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Which are the two most important orifices in a woman's body? Actually, they're her nostrils. Sure, the other two are good for pleasure, but she couldn't breathe using them while giving you a blow-job.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Offline crikey

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Paddy's girlfriend got a new tattoo, a seashell on the top of her inner thigh. Paddy thought it was brill, coz when he puts his ear to it he can actually smell the sea.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Offline crikey

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This is sick - so only posting it coz I know it'll appeal.

A little boy says to his mum, "Granny's got a prawn!" Mum says, "What on earth are you talking about?" The boy takes his mum to granny's bedroom where she's lying stark naked and fast asleep. He points between granny's legs and says, "There, look! A prawn!"

"That's your granny's clitoris, son!" To which, the little boy replies, "Well, it sure tastes like a prawn!"
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Offline crikey

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Man lying in bed after sex with his new Thai wife. She keeps stroking his willy. He says, "Do you like my willy that much?" "No," she says, but I do miss mine."
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Offline Razor

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John Terry England Badge

Offline crikey

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Heard in the Large Hadron Collider canteen - female boffin to male colleague -"do my two bosons give you a hadron?"
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Offline fred

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2 Blokes in the pub talking about there sex lives,...

1st bloke says " were still at it like rabbits after 20 years of marriage"
2nd bloke says "HUH.... I only give her once a month an i call it the Bruce Lee night

His mate says why do u call it that !!!!!

















Enter the fucking Dragon Mate !!!!
I jumped into a river in France and it turned out I was in Seine

O'r holl gerbydau'r Byd a gāf
Yr elor yw yr olaf

richard

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Enter the fucking Dragon Mate !!!!


Which goes some way towards explaining the popularity of Ovis aries that end of the bridge...  :bolt:

Offline Razor

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I went to see Chubby Brown last week and as soon as he came out on stage I started shouting, "You fat bastard! You fat bastard! You fat bastard! You fat bastard!"

Then I was told by security that that sort of behaviour wasn't tolerated at the Labour party conference.

Offline Derek

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I should think not!
you have to call him "You differently weighted person of unknown parentage"


Offline crikey

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Paddy goes to his doctor, complaining about his back ache. "What were you doing when the pain started?," asks the GP. "Well," says Paddy, blushing slightly, "I was having sex, doggy-style." His GP says, "Then, I think we know how to stop it happening again, don't we? Try having sex the normal way in future."

Paddy says, "I've already tried that, but the bloody dog keeps licking my face."
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

richard

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I've just discovered our cat is allergic to latex.

Quite how the hell I'm going to explain where to the vet, though...  :think: :blush:

Offline Razor

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When David Beckham scored, I drank BECKS

When Paul Scholes scored, I drank SKOL

When Kenny Miller scored, I drank MILLER


Thank fuck David Seaman was in goal!!!

Offline Derek

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I've seen a fisherman build this over the last two years or so.  I bet he hopes to get good catches

Nah

I bet he thinks, "where am I going to put all the animals"

richard

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Nah

I bet he thinks, "where am I going to put all the animals"

Why the heck is this in the 'bad jokes' thread?  :think:

Offline Derek

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why not


richard

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Offline Derek

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it is a joke ( sort of)  & definitely bad as are all my jokes

Anybody who builds a boat halfway up a mountain must be a joke

richard

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Anybody who builds a boat halfway up a mountain must be a joke


Which reminds me of one of my all-time favourite cartoons...