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Author Topic: Bench by the Sea [ a poem ]  (Read 3760 times)

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Offline Langston

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Bench by the Sea [ a poem ]
« on: Jan 14, 10, 06:23 PM »
I drafted this one a few weeks ago, but have only just managed to properly edit it.



Bench by the Sea

I sat on the bench, near the seafront
The one we always sat in whenever
We returned from the beach together.
On warm afternoons we would sit
Side by side, my arm around your
Firm shoulders as we talked and
Shared and had no need to look
Into each others eyes as we did so.

But today this bench bears only one.
It is still the same bench and yet...

Sighing, I rise and walk back towards
The town and the journey home.

I doubt I will ever
Sit there again.


Thank you,
Love and best,
Your Friend,
John.

Offline Majid Din

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Re: Bench by the Sea [ a poem ]
« Reply #1 on: Jan 14, 10, 06:30 PM »
That is beautiful in so many ways!  :hat3:

Quite Superb.

Offline Langston

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Re: Bench by the Sea [ a poem ]
« Reply #2 on: Jan 14, 10, 06:35 PM »
That is beautiful in so many ways!  :hat3:

Quite Superb.

Thank you, Majid Din.

That poem went through so many drafts before I was, not happy as such, but satisfied that it was as good as I was going to get it. I may hate it tomorrow, but that's normal for me and should probably be ignored.

Love and best,
Your Friend,
Langston.

:flowers:

Offline Langston

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Re: Bench by the Sea [ a poem ]
« Reply #3 on: Jan 14, 10, 07:31 PM »
A little bit of trivia concerning this poem; the two closing lines, which for me are the focus of the work, are the only lines which never, in all the revisions, changed at all.

richard

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Re: Bench by the Sea [ a poem ]
« Reply #4 on: Jan 14, 10, 07:52 PM »
A little bit of trivia concerning this poem; the two closing lines, which for me are the focus of the work, are the only lines which never, in all the revisions, changed at all.

Were they the first two lines you wrote?

Offline Langston

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Re: Bench by the Sea [ a poem ]
« Reply #5 on: Jan 14, 10, 07:59 PM »
Were they the first two lines you wrote?
Technically, no. But I knew where the poem was headed when I started to write it, even if the words used to close it hadn't formed at that stage.

I've just read that over and I'm not sure it is the clearest of explanations, but it's the best I can manage at the moment.

richard

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Re: Bench by the Sea [ a poem ]
« Reply #6 on: Jan 14, 10, 08:13 PM »
Technically, no. But I knew where the poem was headed when I started to write it, even if the words used to close it hadn't formed at that stage.

I've just read that over and I'm not sure it is the clearest of explanations, but it's the best I can manage at the moment.

It makes sense to me - you can have a sense of destination without a fully-formed image.

Offline Langston

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Re: Bench by the Sea [ a poem ]
« Reply #7 on: Jan 14, 10, 08:50 PM »
It makes sense to me - you can have a sense of destination without a fully-formed image.
When I have such a destination in mind, I try not to let it distract me from drafting the rest of the poem. If the final words come first then I may jot them down in the margin.

The a large part of the revision for this poem consisted of removing things. IIRC*, the original draft for this poem for fifty or so lines, but contained much superfluous matter that added nothing of substance to the work whilst at the same time destroying both the flow and impact.



*I never keep drafts of my work.

Offline Babs

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Re: Bench by the Sea [ a poem ]
« Reply #8 on: Jan 15, 10, 11:10 AM »
Thanks John... lump in the throat.
"Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!"

 - Irving Berlin

Offline Lyn

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Re: Bench by the Sea [ a poem ]
« Reply #9 on: Jan 15, 10, 03:17 PM »




                         ((((  John xxx))))




                       "its very heavy for its size Langston. I was surprised !" "I dont mind having a used one!"


"It took a while for me to get it up,but just as I was going to cancel it started."

Offline Langston

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Re: Bench by the Sea [ a poem ]
« Reply #10 on: Jan 15, 10, 04:24 PM »
Thanks John... lump in the throat.
Thank you, Babs. It is a rather emotional poem.
:-*

Offline Langston

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Re: Bench by the Sea [ a poem ]
« Reply #11 on: Jan 15, 10, 04:25 PM »



                         ((((  John xxx))))






Thanks, Lyn. :-*